Sunday, March 15, 2009

What to do...

Last year I came to a general consensus through random conversations with friends that my blog was a happy place, and the only things I posted about were positive, and that perhaps this is the way it should be. After all, who wants to read your whining?
But one of the things I've decided over the past little while is that really, why have anything to hide? It is what it is, and although I can see the value of keeping something sacred or secret, or only entrusted to a few close people, I really feel like the truth is the truth, and you might as well know it.
I've never been good at lying. Or hiding my feelings. Or keeping anything in. Once I decide something or something happens, it inevitably escapes me within a day. Every time I've broken up with someone, it's usually been within 24 hours, or less really, of realizing that it wasn't going to work. It's really because I always assume that people can see right through me, and for a good portion of the time, they can. Anytime something difficult comes up, it's this internal struggle of knowing they can probably read my mind, so I might as well let it all out and have everybody know. Ah to be able to keep a secret- sometimes I wish I could.
Along the same vein, it is extremely difficult for me to treat someone contrary to what I think of them. A lot of times at work people will make mistakes and for the most part it's ok and they just didn't know, but sometimes- ah. It is nearly impossible for me to hide that I think they're an idiot. I could definitely work on that.
The upside of all this is that people know that when I say something, I mean it, and there's no second guessing of whether or not I actually like someone. I do like being someone whose word can be trusted.
I do wish I was slower to speak though. I always say how I feel when I feel it, and the problem is that I often change my mind. So I say one thing, and then another, and you know, I'm kind of frustrating. But so it is with everyone I suppose.
Anyway, a bit of introspection.

On a typical to my blog note- Jessie and I are going to Boston to visit Maryn when the semester ends!! I'm really excited- we'll be there for a week, and it's going to be great.

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Mele Kalikimaka

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