Tuesday, April 14, 2009

To Think I Held You Yesterday, Your Love Was Just a Game

For some reason, "Never There" by Cake has been stuck in my head for the past day or so. I always think it's so weird when that happens- it's so random, and I haven't heard the song in a really long time. Nonetheless, I've had Cake playing in my head almost none stop.

The semester's almost over- today was the last of classes and finals start on Friday. It's not that this semester flew by or that I can't wait for it to be over that makes it weird- it's that this year has been so relatively quiet. In relation to other years though, I'm rather grateful for the quiet life. Other school years have been fraught with exciting events and highlights, and drama. Looking on the past 8 months, all I can see is the library and a few Friday nights wishing I was out doing something. It makes me feel old for some reason.

Actually, a lot of things have made me feel old this year. For example, I walk a certain way to school when I have time because it's less stressful. Since when did certain routes affect my stress levels? I think up till now I thought I was impervious to my surroundings, that I didn't need anyone or anything to validate me. I have been reminded so much this year of the value of good friends and the small moments in life that make it peaceful.

At the same time as feeling old, I'm realizing how immature I am. I'm just young. There's nothing to be done about it. Every age I'm at, I always wonder if in a few years I'll look back and think about what an idiot I was. I also always think back and wonder what a past self would think of how I turned out thus far. If I knew, when I was 15, that in five years I'd be sitting on my bed in my apartment, getting ready for finals, and categorizing the RMs in my life as I wrote a blog that was thoughtful but not personal enough to make me feel vulnerable, would I think I was cool? Probably. Anyone over 15 is cool when you're 15. What I think is interesting is how naturally all these life changes came. I used to stress at the idea of paying a bunch of bills and even knowing how a bank account works and wondered how I'd ever learn to be an adult. Even though I still don't really have a full grasp on any of those things, it doesn't stress me out anymore. :) I think I always imagine myself in the future as having the same mindset as I do currently, and that somehow I'll be aware of the drastic differences in my life. But, life goes day by day, and everything is taken in stride. I wouldn't be surprised if I spent the rest of my life just taking things as they come, and every now and then looking back and realizing I've changed without noticing it.

So it is for tonight. Tomorrow starts reviews and more studying- thank you Harold B. Lee Library, for being my home.

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Mele Kalikimaka

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